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Current Event Jokes:

Muhammad Ali was recently released from the hospital after receiving follow-up care for urinary tract infection. He said "It really stung like a bee."

The women who claimed they were sexually molested by Bill Cosby found this out when they all failed Indonesia's "virginity test."

Indonesia virginity tests its female police recruits. They use the two finger test but used the two fist test when the Kardashians applied.

Rapper Andre Johnson recently severed his penis. He has been a member of the hip-hop group Northstar. He has now been dismembered.

So when the Pope met with QEII at the Vatican, he said, "I never had a problem with queens."

The NFL raising is the goal posts. It will be sponsored by Viagra.

Starbucks is now selling beer and wine. So in addition to getting a cup of Joe, you can now get a "tall blonde."

Steve Jobs will appear on a US postage stamp in 2015. By then the post office will have no other jobs.

A church in Virginia allows its congregation to worship in the nude. I guess that gives a whole new meaning to the term "Please rise."

In a radio interview, reality star Lauren Conrad was asked "What's your favorite position?" She replied "CEO" which is the same as "On Top."

Michaels Stores reports a possible customer data attack. Those hackers must have been crafty.

Apple’s New York City "Cube" store had shattered glass during the latest snowstorm. That doesn't make sense. How can Apple have a Windows crash?

When Justin Bieber was frisked by Miami Beach Police, evidence was found from the incident at his home in Los Angeles . There was egg on his face!

Amazon founder and CEO Jeff Bezos suffered a kidney-stone attack and had to be airlifted from a cruise ship in the Galapagos Islands on New Year's Day. It took three drones to fly him out.

The Hobbit was 2013's most pirated movie. Apparently, the pirates made a "small" fortune.

Wal-Mart is recalling donkey meat in China after it was found to be contaminated. Customers said it tasted like crap. Of course it does, it's Ass!

Similar to that sock monkey's toy gun confiscated by TSA, I was almost arrested for a fake gun in my pocket, but I was just happy to see them.

Sarah Palin is getting a new outdoor TV show on Sportsman Channel. The first show will feature her in a river deciding to row vs. wade.

China finally launched it's first moon mission. I guess all these years it was more important making Nike's.

I tried donating online to the Philippine hurricane relief, but their Canadian website wouldn't let me.

Report: Hospital delays are killing America's war veterans. Hospital chefs are glad to know it's not the food.

John Edwards is back to practicing law... after not practicing safe sex.

Human remains were found in a lady's lingerie bag in New York. Asked if he had any clues, the lead detective said "No, but now I know Victoria's Secret."

An old man recently drove his car into an Apple store. He blamed his Windows for the crash.

Airlines keep charging extra fees to make more money. They should really get gourmet chefs. Then they can save money by not having those barf bags!

Hooters recently offered $12.99 all-you-can-eat wings. It would make more sense if it was all-you-can-eat breasts.

Forever 21 informed all full time/non-management employees that they will be demoted to part time, they and their families will lose their health and dental benefits, and they will no longer qualify for paid time off. The end result is that they will no longer be Forever 21.

Each year, Mexico keeps reporting more and more people missing. I wonder if they tried looking in the U.S.?

There was a transient in Sacramento, California arrested for sexually assaulting a horse. It was learned that the horse died because of a stroke.

In most states, Starbucks allows customers to carry loaded weapons. And even worse, they're still allowed to carry decaf.

Experts are saying that adding Hemp seeds to your food can be extremley healthy. They also cause your hair to grow like a weed!

Recently, fast food workers walked out on their job because they want higher wages. Aren't these the same people that walked out on high school?


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